love you like your brothers

My Dearest Jeremiah,

I felt so inadequate as a mum moments ago. I thought about your brothers and how I have not loved them deeply enough. When the thought of you came to my mind, I began to fear I may not be able to cope. How lack of faith I was!

Tears began to flow down as I felt helpless but crying aloud to Jesus to help me. Coincidentally, I opened the mailbox and received a Christmas card from Baby River who reminded me he is looking forward to see and play with you. His card also reminded me to live each day with meaning, truth and faith. He also affirmed me that I was brave and strong .

I have never thought of myself that way. All I ever wanted to do is to love you like your brothers. But O how little our Love is compared to Our Dear Precious Savior who so willingly given up his life for us, the unworthy sinners.

My dear Jesus, pour out that spirit you have within me as I embrace what is to come without fear. Help me to be a good mum and a loving wife to my beloved husband. I thank you for all the Graces showered on my family and rejoice in your goodness ,mercy and faithfulness. Let me be your instrument of LOVE for my family. I am nothing without you. Only you know my heart and my pain. Help me to Trust you with the Little Faith I have. May you grant Jeremiah a life Long and Full to show all how you save!

I rescue all who clings to me , I protect whoever knows my name,

I answer everyone who invokes in me,

I am with them when they are in trouble; I bring them safety and honour.

I give them life long and full,

And show them how I can save.

( Psalm 91:14-16)

I love you and your 2 gaw gaws. You are all made beautifully by Jesus. Super Precious and Super Special.

With LOVE,

Mummy

29th December 2009

Beautiful and Wonderful

My Dearest Jeremiah,

When I read your daddy’s recent entry titled “ These moments”, tears could not stop pouring down. How I long so much for the Lord to make you well like your brothers. How I long to see you being cradled in my arms and walking and enjoying the sunshine in the Park . I truly long for you to be part of our family and the family of God whom everyone is praying so fervently for – for you to partake in our lives.

I never knew we already have so much love for you till your daddy’s words touched my soul and reminded me of all the unforgettable memories I had with your brothers. My prayer now is you will live and grow strong like a champion of our Lord inside me. You have been so active and responsive these few days. I would like to think you are Happy inside me, Kicking and Praising Jesus who never ceases to be with you. I pray HE will knit you into a beautiful and wonderful being so that your every existence only bring Glory to HIS NAME.

We await you being born if it is HIS WILL. We can ony Trust and Hope in Faith for God’s plan to unfold.

I love you very much. I love your sweet brothers very much too. You are our 3 precious sons; Precious gifts from Heaven .

With Lots of Love,

Mummy

These Moments

I asked Joshua, if he could remember me carrying him as a baby. He said, "yes" and added he remembers himself lying in the pram, while I was pushing it. The moment which we were thinking of is our walk in Bishan Park. I cannot recall well of those events but the memory of Joshua, then, remains vivid in my heart. It is the memory of holding him, feeling the joy of him.

Memories connotes our relationships, it produces much feelings in us. These moments we have with Joshua and John, actualize even more our love for Jeremiah. It is memories with them, that we can love greater Jeremiah. We can love Jeremiah in joy or in sorrow. They are all moments of love.

Breath of Life

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"I do not know how you came into existence in my womb; it was not I who gave you the breath of life, nor was it I who set in order the elements of which each of you is composed.

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Therefore, since it is the Creator of the universe who shapes each man's beginning, as he brings about the origin of everything, he, in his mercy, will give you back both breath and life, because you now disregard yourselves for the sake of his law."

2 Maccabees 7.22-23

HE is presence

Eliot's Video has given me tears of love, I am at peace seeing how they have loved him. I know Our Lord is with us at every moment. And every moment is so precious because HE is presence in every person, - Eliot has given us that message.

Mummy Words, Heals Daddy

My Dearest Baby Jeremiah,

I love you with all my heart. When I think of what the doctors said about you, though it brought much pain to me, I chose to think you were made Perfect and Good by Jesus. The doctors’ words cannot take away the Love I have for you. Every movement that you make, fills me with great JOY for I know you are blessed in HIS cradle and I know HE loves you so much with His INFINITE LOVE.

Knowing you are so loved by our Eternal Father makes me so happy. How can I dwell in my sadness knowing you are still alive within me? I can only pray to the Lord to sanctify my womb; your world. And to make it HOLY for your being to thrive. May Every song I sing, Every Breath I take, Every laughter and giggles from your brothers sound like Angelic music to your ears! May our deep love for you be felt in the darkness of my womb. A womb full of warmth and a world full of the Lord’s Glory, power and strength we can ever imagine.

I know you are strong because I believe the Lord made you so. Even before you were born, many prayers have been showered upon you to Arise and Resurrect to our Lord’s Glory BUT not to man’s. We anticipate your arrival with Faith and Trust that all is in GOOD hands. My Hope is that you will be able to play with your two brothers who adore you so.

I love you my Dearest Jeremiah.

Mummy

2 Nov 2009

No doubt; I Believe

It's almost 5 weeks since the first initial prognosis of Jeremiah. We have met so far with three doctors, the last doctor finalize the prognosis, by using a clinical term to epitomize Jeremiah's illness. He is termed to be in a lethal condition. To put it simply he has a short life span, he will die soon. Though none of doctors said Jeremiah is, or will suffer, as they do not know of it scientifically. I know by the facts of Jeremiah's illness, that it will be miserable for him. - I have no doubt in these doctors' prognosis, however I have a greater trust in the Glory and Power of Our Lord.

We cannot perceive the future, only Our Lord has that power. HIS Will for now I know, it is to pray for Jeremiah and to trust in His Purpose for us. It is not against wisdom to believe in HIS power to grant a miracle to us for His Glory. Even if that is not granted, it is His Purpose we will trust. His answer is not yet given for the miracle we seek. It is written, "There is a time for everything under the Heavens," This is the time for us to pray and fast, to ask for Jeremiah to be a fully, completely and able man close to the Heart of Jesus. Until Our Lord answers us, the season has not changed, it is still a time to ask.

Those who reads Jeremiah's blog - Please join us in prayer for Jeremiah, he is expected to be born in March 2010.

Stronger We Are

"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger," - Friedrich Nietzsche, I believe he wrote the quote in his book : Superman; commenters regarded him as an atheist, yet as an atheist, he had scrutinized many human conditions, his scrutiny has given us some useful insights. I am confident that suffering can bring virtue in persons, but what character they become; is in truth, how they had related to their suffering. - it makes us stronger... but in what character?

This sadness we have for Jeremiah is nurturing a virtue within the family, it is the virtue of patience, it is patience of listening to each other, most of all it is patience of appreciating our moments with our sons. It is the moments with Joshua and John, that makes our love deeper in Jeremiah.

Sadness can be experience without suffering, suffering may be emotional; suffering when hurts remains, when injustice inflicts in words or deeds, when you have not been loved. Whereas sadness can bring compassion for others because deep empathy brings compassion and love. Sadness can bind a community and bring friends together for each other.

Inside Me

The chromosome test result is consistent with the diagnosis of Edwards Syndrome. I feel discourage at this point, My Lord knows how I feel inside. I give these times to you Lord - I do not question what you lay before us in this family. I do, very much desire my son, Jeremiah to be complete a person, this I ask of you, My Lord, to give him a full life with his brothers. And that theirs lives be a blessing to others, if this so pleases you Lord, grant this to me.

I am ready to offer

There is a scan at the clinic for us tomorrow, I am afraid of the sadness I would feel. If I am sad, I am ready to offer my feelings to you - Lord, that You would Love my son on my behalf. To provide strength for my wife and to Love her so deeply, to give your presence to her as she carries Jeremiah within her.

Shocked by her will

I was shocked by a long mail I received, the person was praying for my salvation, I would think she has to pray for the salvation of all Catholics. Strangely, she was also praying for our plight in Jeremiah. She spoke further to Daphne about our (demands) to Our Lord, providing scenarios about what Our Lord may do for us. I believe her message to us was - let The Father do his Will, otherwise you may be disappointed.

I was afraid, she would affect Daphne - my precious Love. My wife Daphne has displayed wisdom, in understanding that, our self-righteousness can be blinding and taken to the extreme with murder. After all, the self-righteous did murder Our Lord. Her mail did provoke my self-righteousness for a moment but turning myself back to Our Lord, has kept me calm with an understanding of her and a deeper love for Our Lord.

Without Our Father’s Will there will be nothing, nothing exist without HIS Will. HE is God; HE is the Alpha and Omega. We will never completely cognize God, now or in the Eternity. The word ‘will’ is a small word; HIS Will cannot be contain in a word.

Why is Jeremiah made this way? It is not for me to have an answer. I know Our Lord Loves us, I feel greatly His Love. In Love, we receive what he has ahead for us. It is also His Will for us to pray and ask according to His Will. And when His answer comes, so comes His Love.

Participate and Comprehend

"The blood of the martyrs is the seed of the Church" A spiritual precept observed by St. Tertullian – My thoughts "Under persecution Grace thrives". It seems this precept can well be understood only by participation. If not, it is then comprehended at a distance. Persecution and affliction has a commonality, it is that Our Father’s Love is easily received.

Though I have never been explicitly persecuted for my faith, I do experience this Thriving Grace and I see this Thriving Grace in my wife. Today, she was weeping because she was asked, if we had considered the financial consequences of keeping the child alive.

Why we weep because every medical aspects of Jeremiah is very painful. I was afraid and may be afraid again of it – but the Grace to give Our Lord his time to answer our prayers. Brings deep peace to us. And with HIS answer comes His Grace. It is all we need for now in our lives.

I comprehend in our lives HIS Grace and participate in HIS Love.

Tonight I prayed

Tonight, I prayed with the family - that Jeremiah will join us in the future, as a fully and able child , so that we may communicate our love to him. I asked The Father to allow him to join in, this joy, we have within the family.

Madeleine's song for Jeremiah

---- post from her blog (http://journey-faithhopelove.blogspot.com) -----

I decided last night to arrange a song for baby Jeremiah.

Before he was formed, he was loved by God. And now, he is loved by his amazing parents, wonderful brothers, many family and friends. May he, like this arrangement, rise in god's glory and in His Love.

This may not be as nice as David Lanz, but it's my little gift to baby Jeremiah.

This is the link to the song - Twinkle Star

We are not alone

Friday morning was the first time, since the news of Jeremiah, that I felt alone; not the loneliness of despair but rather the feeling of being an individual, alone with his feelings. I thought of the way we were created, as unique individuals, yet also made as a community by Our Father.

Last Friday was the first fast before March 2010 before Jeremiah would be born. Jeremiah's god-father Francois was fasting with me, his act has given me comfort and encouragement. Thoughts of the SMS received, when Sylvia read our letter to the St Jude Music Ministry further gave me strength. Daphne's friends from the Mother's group who is keeping strong with her, bought a deep smile in my heart. There have been many friends walking closely with us. I thank you all for this, it has really shown us The Father's Love for us.

We are his Mystical Body. I comprehended for a moment, that we are created in his likeness and image. And HE is a community, HE is Father, Son and Holy Spirit. HE has given me each of you, to walk my pain and to walk your pain. My Fast is now also for individual alone with their pain. We will walk together for each other.

Thank you to each of you, you are a gift to us.

Let us pray together

Can we pray two times harder - Today John Gabriel, our second son is ill with hand, foot & mouth disease. Last Thursday, my third son Jeremiah Paul was diagnose with Edward Syndrome - Jeremiah is without an effective heart, he does not have a nose bridge, there are holes in his brain. Edward Syndrome is very atrocious, the sickness has cause problems from his spine to his fingers. His mortality is doubtful. But I need not write anymore of it. It is painful for me to describe it further. I wonder, how a 'form' like this, can be a human being? But I Love Our Lord and I have a trusting heart in HIM because he can be trusted. And I will ASK HIM to make a man from this 'form'.

We thank Our Lord that, we have so many friends to pray for us, in fact, all around the world in Europe, America, Middle East, Japan and Malaysia. friends are praying for us. But the people of CSC is our community, liken to the parish which each Catholic has; It is in CSC that we hope, will be the nucleus of collective prayer, in praying together with us for our great ASKING of Our Lord. The asking of our son Jeremiah to be a FULLY, COMPLETELY and ABLE man, serving in HIS KINGDOM.

I am gathering my army of pray-ers for I am engaging in this battle of Love for I am seeking the Lord's GREAT MERCY. To be merciful to a Husband who bear also his wife pain. To be merciful to a Father who loves his son even before meeting him. I ASK the Lord for Jeremiah to become a MAN

My prayer soldiers, if Jeremiah is permitted to born he will come in March 2010, please join my (Friday Fast) of bread and water for at least two meals until March 2010, please also continue with the rosary, divine mercy and novena. The St. Jude Music Ministry be my Guardsmen fight the frontier with me. Until I have HIS answer push on with me, pray until we have our answer. And whatever the answer is we will be heros in Eternity. For it will bring us closer to HIM who Loves us before the foundation of the world was created.

Our Message of His Great Power

In the morning, I met an 'evangelic taxi driver', he claims it is his Christian Vocation - to bear his testimony of Our Heavenly Father's, Great Mercies; to the clients during their ride with him. I asked him of his conversion, he testified that his family has embraced Christianity since 1984. Twenty-five years ago, his mother-in-law was miraculously healed by Our Father. Literally with a crooked spine, she was asked to stand and walk. She did stand and walk but with a normal and healthy spine. She is healthy since that moment happened. She is now 90 years old.

After witnessing the healing, he became a moderate Christian. He was again, deeply touch by Our Father with an incident of illness. - Before 1995 he did not read the Bible, he was always too busy with his business. In 1995 he was diagnose with a fatal heart illness - The Lord gave him Psalm 103,1-5. He broke down and received The Lord's forgiveness and cleansing. His next visit to the cardiologist, the doctor, incredulously discharge him and said to him, "Your heart has the health of a 10 year old child". Since 1995 he became a committed Christian, he than went to quote more Scripture to me. Not knowing, that I was breaking down inside, I asked him to stop the taxi and alighted. I sat alone at the side and started, weeping to Our Lord of his Great Mercies.

I thought of Our Lord's Great Power to heal the infamies of the soul, his Great Mighty Love to bear and forgive, any and all sinners. Moved me to more tears. His Mighty Power CAN heal Jeremiah. - Jeremiah with his sickness seems to make him, to be without a human form. I seek from The Lord, Jeremiah, a BEING whom will serve in HIS Kingdom on earth, as a consecrated MAN of God, FULLY, COMPLETELY and ABLE as a PERSON for many years, to LET HIS Great Mighty Love pass through from Jeremiah, to touch the hearts of many. I ask this from Scripture, of the prophet Jeremiah, who preached for 40 Years to the Nations.

I ask you, my brothers and sisters to join my prayer for what I seek from the Lord. I will wait for Our Lord's answer and I will be obedient to HIS answer. But I will ASK and ASK until I have his answer. I ask you, my brothers and sisters to ASK from The Lord - to look at me favorably and rise Jeremiah up, a MAN close to HIS heart.

The Darkest Moment Together

It was Tuesday morning, when our unborn son Jeremiah was discovered to have down syndrome with a critical heart defect. By Friday the doctors' prognosis was 90% probability of Edward's Syndrome (rare genetic chromosomal disorder) which is worse compared to down syndrome - we are waiting for chromosome test results, the doctors will then be 99% certain after the results.

It seems so inhumane for a person to be constructed that way, with anomalies from the brain, fingers, spine and respiratory system. It is too painful for us to describe the anomalies in Jeremiah condition.

But I can describe the Love I had received from friends and the Love I have for a child given to us. During these days - Muslims, Hindus and Christians have offered prayers to Heaven on behalf of our family. Something so ugly in construction can put beauty in hearts of friends. Beauty in the empathic heart. Beauty in the lips of care. This we have received from friends. And this is Love.

The doctors said Jeremiah will not survive and if he does, it is very expensive to keep him alive even for a short time. They suggested sensitively in an implicit way - terminate him. I would if I was fighting a war, where lives are sacrifice for offense or defense. But can Daphne ever forget her child. We have Love our child since the day Our Heavenly Father gave him to us. We will take up arms of Love for this child and each day he lives we will renew our pledge of Love to him - Jeremiah my son was created by Our Heavenly Father. I believe HE has asked us only to be willing to Love Jeremiah and he will reveal his plans to us. I trust in a God who Loves us and I believe in the miracle of Love.

I thank you for the support and prayers given, I ask you continue your prayers for our family.